Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize