What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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