I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
