I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
