my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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