The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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