Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
