Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
