Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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