I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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