dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
