He asked me if I "almost moaned"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize