Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
