She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
