I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
