I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
