I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I look better un-naked...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
