We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
