guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
