I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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