the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
