Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
