dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
