Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I believe in your delicious
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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