I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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