YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
