i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize