So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's never too late to be topless.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
