Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
