Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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