its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
