Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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