Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
