I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize