I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize