You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
