I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
