I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
