I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
