Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
