theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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