dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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