those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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