My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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