Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How does it feel to date your dad?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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