my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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