my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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