All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
