I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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