Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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