Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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