break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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