So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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