im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
