You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
