Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
