Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
