Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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