Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
