i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
