Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize