when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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