I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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