where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
