piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
