wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm passing your future prison.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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