My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize