You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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