This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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