$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
