your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
