some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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