I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
