I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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