Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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