I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
