Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
