My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize