I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
