I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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