tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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