I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
