dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
be right there i have to get my cape
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
