so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
