My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
