your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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