My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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