I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
