why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
