He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
