If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
