why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
