Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
