I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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