can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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