Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
