i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
